Clearing

So, this mucus thing has worn out its welcome.

It's been going around work, and people have said it's bad, but this is getting old. For eleven days, I've been congested and fatigued...missed out on two cycling weekends and three days of work. Today I woke up with packed sinuses and a headache, and I figured the whole thing had turned into a sinus infection. I'd planned to head off to the doctor, but my head started to shake loose within the hour.

not me

So instead, I decided first to head off to the trusty internet. Should I spend the time and money on the doc or would I likely be sent home with a prescription to rest and drink fluids? But what do I search?? I had no words for my symptoms except thick green snot. I knew there had to be better terms that would yield better information, but I didn't know what those words were. So thick green snot it was.

Of course, searches for green snot turn up all kinds of hits, mostly from Yahoo forums: I've got green/yellow/neon snot...what does that mean? Answers offered: get to a doctor, pronto, you're about to die. Then the argument ensues: no, it means a virus and you don't treat a virus with an antibiotic, or, green is a bacterial infection yellow is a virus, or, mine's yellow-brown, what about that.... and of course all links led eventually to the worst-case scenario: the infection can spread eye-ward or brain-ward and cause either to quit working indefinitely. No wonder people run to the clinic and demand pills.

not me

Mucopurulent Rhinitis. The term is Mucopurulent Rhinitis.

Mucopurulent=consisting of mucus and pus (the thickness and color in the snot is actually pus which results from overactive...things...that then cause some...stuff...to shed into the mucus, bla, bla, bla...you know, medical jargon) -- mucus should be clear
Rhinitis=inflamation of the mucous membrane of the nose

Bottom line. I've got gross crap in my sinuses. I knew this.

Aha. Color isn't an indicator of infection...they used to think so, but not any more. Doctors aren't prescribing drugs just because of something purulent these days. Most mucopurulent rhinitis clears up with time: research found 10 to 1 against antibiotics making any difference. Flush the sinuses. Rest. Drink hot tea and plenty of water.

By the time I had answers, I found myself with energy enough to clean the bathroom...a perfect waste of new-found energy. Normal people would head out for a neighborhood walk and some fresh air, but I wanted a ride.

not me

I'm always a bit hesitant to head out on the bike on a sick day. I don't live in the 'burb where I teach so I don't risk being seen, but I have unrealistic fears of being in some sort of accident...on my bicycle miles from home on a sick day. Sure, you were sick! But, on the other hand, people at work should know me well enough to know an easy ride for me is an average Jane's neighborhood walk.

So I rode.

And I could could feel the sun and I could breathe.


- Bags under my eyes, though

Mucus Makes Everybody's Life a Little Better

Years ago when Sweetie and his brother were both making their living as musicians, they were sitting around the table sharing their music tales with their elderly grandmother. Grams obviously appreciated music herself as she nodded and looked wistfully at some point on the wall, remembering her favorite tunes. As she looked back at them, instead of saying music what came out was

Mucus makes everyone a little happier.

Sweetie and I use the phrase now and again, and we both break up laughing. After all, what would we do without it? mucus, I mean?

Except it's not so funny lately. I've been horking an overabundance of the stuff out of my nose for well over a week now -- green, white, yellow -- and I'm finding myself less than happy about mucus.

Somehow I blame it for the fact that I feel lousy. Intellectually, I know that overabundance of mucus is there for me, hauling colonies of virus germs out of my bod with every kleenex. But, emotionally, my head is full of vanilla pudding and my eyes are watery puffs...because of it I'm sleeping my weekends away and because of it I’m not riding and because of it I'm missing gatherings of friends.

Don't shoot the messenger. Mucus is just doing its job...without it, we'd all be worse off. Think about it for a minute.

On second thought, maybe don't think about it.

- O hork B

Snot Rocket, Epilogue

Just When you Think...
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

I'd been fighting a cold for a couple weeks, but was finally feeling normal again and was back on the commuting trail -- off to a day of training on a chilly May morning. It felt great to be riding.

The familiar exercise-induced nasal drain began and I didn't think much of having at-it. I hawked one out of the left nostril. It sailed off onto the limestone trail. Didn't think twice about the right one.

But I should've.
Thought twice, that is.

As I began the exhalation through my right nostril, the rumble came from the interior. Given that I’m not as proficient with this side, I was a bit concerned, but once things started to dislodge it wasn't like I could stop. I took in another quick breath and blew again.

It blorped its way outta my sinus into the nasal passage. Damn, I thought this cold was overwith!

Quick breath. Blow!

It bubbled toward the right nostril opening...

BreathBlow

...out...

and

.

gone

..

wherediditgo?!?

After all these years, I know what I expect to see after blowing a snot rocket. It's that quick flash in my peripheral vision that assures me I haven't sailed one off to a place it ought not go. And I didn't see this one.

Often a bad flier ends up staying right on the nose. Quick wipe of my nose with my gloved hand. The glove came up clean.

I looked at my leg. It was clean.

Did it land on my bicep? Nope, clean.

Tricep, forearm, wrist, hand? Clean.

Armpit? Waist? Jacket front? Clean!

Back of my calf?!

Shoulder? Foot? Top tube? Hip?

Cheek?!?

HandlebarsdowntubekneechainstaySPOKES?????

Crotch???

Where the hell did it go, these things don't just disappear!

Oh God, please let there not be anyone behind me...

It had to be somewhere. It came out big and bad and I knew it hadn't found its way to the ground. I stopped and put both feet down. I felt around my neck and headband. I looked behind me. I was NOT about to walk into a building of strangers with something dangling from somewhere, even if the plan was to head straight to the restroom.

At this point I needed all my tactile facilities -- I took off my gloves and went to unbuckle my helmet....

...found it....

I peeled it from under my chin like goopy rubber cement. Yep, the volume looks about right. I slapped it off onto the grass next to the trail where it belonged.


- T sometimes O it's just not B glamorous

Snot Rocket, Part 2

Deployment

PART 1 | PART 3 | EPILOGUE

As the years have passed, the snot rocket has become as common a part of my cycling repertoire as the warm-up. I can’t do without it. My nose runs when I exercise...that watery, wispy type of nose-run which matches up with everything else that just plain loosens and flows during exertion: muscles, joints, blood, tears, mucus.

So, how’s it done? Everyone has their opinion and style. Do a quick Google search and you’ll find this advice from Steve over at Steve in a Speedo (personally, my CORRECT and INCORRECT versions are just the opposite of his).

Twin City Track Club has got a great how-to diagram.

Every athlete has his or her opinion as to what makes an efficient snot rocket, however two variables are key: aim and velocity.

Myself? I blow to the left side, regardless of nostril. While keeping my left hand on the brake hood and left elbow close to the body, right hand pinches right nostril, head turned slightly to the side, exhale sharply out of left nostril positioned over left bicep. Works like a charm. I watch it sail off to the pavement. And, if there are problems, my arm takes the hit which I can subsequently see and deal with.

Right nostril? Like I said, I blow to the left regardless of nostril. So, the left hand pinches left nostril, left elbow wings out to the side, exhale sharply out of right nostril positioned over left side of body. This position opens up my whole body to the possibility of taking the hit if I mis-aim. Also, my head is in a slightly different position due to the necessity of blowing the flier underneath my arm: nose pointing more directly down to the pavement, causing more of a bend in my throat, effectively slowing down the air velocity.

If I ever have problems, that's the side.

- OB now that I think about it, left-nostril-over-left-side and right-nostril-over-right-side makes more sense