Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Snot Rocket, Epilogue

Just When you Think...
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

I'd been fighting a cold for a couple weeks, but was finally feeling normal again and was back on the commuting trail -- off to a day of training on a chilly May morning. It felt great to be riding.

The familiar exercise-induced nasal drain began and I didn't think much of having at-it. I hawked one out of the left nostril. It sailed off onto the limestone trail. Didn't think twice about the right one.

But I should've.
Thought twice, that is.

As I began the exhalation through my right nostril, the rumble came from the interior. Given that I’m not as proficient with this side, I was a bit concerned, but once things started to dislodge it wasn't like I could stop. I took in another quick breath and blew again.

It blorped its way outta my sinus into the nasal passage. Damn, I thought this cold was overwith!

Quick breath. Blow!

It bubbled toward the right nostril opening...








After all these years, I know what I expect to see after blowing a snot rocket. It's that quick flash in my peripheral vision that assures me I haven't sailed one off to a place it ought not go. And I didn't see this one.

Often a bad flier ends up staying right on the nose. Quick wipe of my nose with my gloved hand. The glove came up clean.

I looked at my leg. It was clean.

Did it land on my bicep? Nope, clean.

Tricep, forearm, wrist, hand? Clean.

Armpit? Waist? Jacket front? Clean!

Back of my calf?!

Shoulder? Foot? Top tube? Hip?




Where the hell did it go, these things don't just disappear!

Oh God, please let there not be anyone behind me...

It had to be somewhere. It came out big and bad and I knew it hadn't found its way to the ground. I stopped and put both feet down. I felt around my neck and headband. I looked behind me. I was NOT about to walk into a building of strangers with something dangling from somewhere, even if the plan was to head straight to the restroom.

At this point I needed all my tactile facilities -- I took off my gloves and went to unbuckle my helmet....

...found it....

I peeled it from under my chin like goopy rubber cement. Yep, the volume looks about right. I slapped it off onto the grass next to the trail where it belonged.

- T sometimes O it's just not B glamorous


Fat Lad said...

Can I be the first to say.... ewww

bikingbrady said...

Why am I laughing out loud in an empty office. Great (however gross it may be) visual!

Snakebite said...

This reminds me of the scene in "Something About Mary" when she finds hanging on the dude, and uses, "hair gel."

WheelDancer said...

I can't remember laughing so hard at a post. Making snot that funny is truly the mark of an artist!

Groover said...

You crack me up.

Eclectchick said...

ACK!!!! Come ON.

I just ate.

And probably won't again very soon.