Just When you Think...
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3
I'd been fighting a cold for a couple weeks, but was finally feeling normal again and was back on the commuting trail -- off to a day of training on a chilly May morning. It felt great to be riding.
The familiar exercise-induced nasal drain began and I didn't think much of having at-it. I hawked one out of the left nostril. It sailed off onto the limestone trail. Didn't think twice about the right one.
But I should've.
Thought twice, that is.
As I began the exhalation through my right nostril, the rumble came from the interior. Given that I’m not as proficient with this side, I was a bit concerned, but once things started to dislodge it wasn't like I could stop. I took in another quick breath and blew again.
It blorped its way outta my sinus into the nasal passage. Damn, I thought this cold was overwith!
Quick breath. Blow!
It bubbled toward the right nostril opening...
BreathBlow
...out...
and
.
gone
..
wherediditgo?!?
After all these years, I know what I expect to see after blowing a snot rocket. It's that quick flash in my peripheral vision that assures me I haven't sailed one off to a place it ought not go. And I didn't see this one.
Often a bad flier ends up staying right on the nose. Quick wipe of my nose with my gloved hand. The glove came up clean.
I looked at my leg. It was clean.
Did it land on my bicep? Nope, clean.
Tricep, forearm, wrist, hand? Clean.
Armpit? Waist? Jacket front? Clean!
Back of my calf?!
Shoulder? Foot? Top tube? Hip?
Cheek?!?
HandlebarsdowntubekneechainstaySPOKES?????
Crotch???
Where the hell did it go, these things don't just disappear!
Oh God, please let there not be anyone behind me...
It had to be somewhere. It came out big and bad and I knew it hadn't found its way to the ground. I stopped and put both feet down. I felt around my neck and headband. I looked behind me. I was NOT about to walk into a building of strangers with something dangling from somewhere, even if the plan was to head straight to the restroom.
At this point I needed all my tactile facilities -- I took off my gloves and went to unbuckle my helmet....
...found it....
I peeled it from under my chin like goopy rubber cement. Yep, the volume looks about right. I slapped it off onto the grass next to the trail where it belonged.
- T sometimes O it's just not B glamorous
Showing posts with label snot rocket. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snot rocket. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Snot Rocket, Part 3
Consistency and Origins
PART 1 | PART 2 | EPILOGUE
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about desirable snot rocket consistency and origins. Velocity may be one key to the successful snot rocket, however increasing mucus thickness makes for higher degrees of difficulty. And there are certain mucus characteristics that velocity can’t overcome, that one just doesn’t mess with.
Every cyclist's MUCUS NEMESIS? the head cold type...the stringy, tapioca pudding-like rumbling that births itself in the deepest caverns of the sinuses and insists upon coming out in one long connected mass.
One just doesn't have the luxury of using valuable oxygen to wrestle out a glob of goo that insists on remaining attached to itself...not to mention living through the odd stares of and possible hazards to those nearby if things go awry.
We may ride when we're sick, but everyone knows to leave the deep ones alone.
- TOB ...but sometimes they sneak up on ya....
PART 1 | PART 2 | EPILOGUE
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about desirable snot rocket consistency and origins. Velocity may be one key to the successful snot rocket, however increasing mucus thickness makes for higher degrees of difficulty. And there are certain mucus characteristics that velocity can’t overcome, that one just doesn’t mess with.
Every cyclist's MUCUS NEMESIS? the head cold type...the stringy, tapioca pudding-like rumbling that births itself in the deepest caverns of the sinuses and insists upon coming out in one long connected mass.
One just doesn't have the luxury of using valuable oxygen to wrestle out a glob of goo that insists on remaining attached to itself...not to mention living through the odd stares of and possible hazards to those nearby if things go awry.
We may ride when we're sick, but everyone knows to leave the deep ones alone.
- TOB ...but sometimes they sneak up on ya....
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Snot Rocket, Part 2
Deployment
PART 1 | PART 3 | EPILOGUE
As the years have passed, the snot rocket has become as common a part of my cycling repertoire as the warm-up. I can’t do without it. My nose runs when I exercise...that watery, wispy type of nose-run which matches up with everything else that just plain loosens and flows during exertion: muscles, joints, blood, tears, mucus.
So, how’s it done? Everyone has their opinion and style. Do a quick Google search and you’ll find this advice from Steve over at Steve in a Speedo (personally, my CORRECT and INCORRECT versions are just the opposite of his).
Twin City Track Club has got a great how-to diagram.
Every athlete has his or her opinion as to what makes an efficient snot rocket, however two variables are key: aim and velocity.
Myself? I blow to the left side, regardless of nostril. While keeping my left hand on the brake hood and left elbow close to the body, right hand pinches right nostril, head turned slightly to the side, exhale sharply out of left nostril positioned over left bicep. Works like a charm. I watch it sail off to the pavement. And, if there are problems, my arm takes the hit which I can subsequently see and deal with.
Right nostril? Like I said, I blow to the left regardless of nostril. So, the left hand pinches left nostril, left elbow wings out to the side, exhale sharply out of right nostril positioned over left side of body. This position opens up my whole body to the possibility of taking the hit if I mis-aim. Also, my head is in a slightly different position due to the necessity of blowing the flier underneath my arm: nose pointing more directly down to the pavement, causing more of a bend in my throat, effectively slowing down the air velocity.
If I ever have problems, that's the side.
- OB now that I think about it, left-nostril-over-left-side and right-nostril-over-right-side makes more sense
PART 1 | PART 3 | EPILOGUE
As the years have passed, the snot rocket has become as common a part of my cycling repertoire as the warm-up. I can’t do without it. My nose runs when I exercise...that watery, wispy type of nose-run which matches up with everything else that just plain loosens and flows during exertion: muscles, joints, blood, tears, mucus.
So, how’s it done? Everyone has their opinion and style. Do a quick Google search and you’ll find this advice from Steve over at Steve in a Speedo (personally, my CORRECT and INCORRECT versions are just the opposite of his).
Twin City Track Club has got a great how-to diagram.
Every athlete has his or her opinion as to what makes an efficient snot rocket, however two variables are key: aim and velocity.
Myself? I blow to the left side, regardless of nostril. While keeping my left hand on the brake hood and left elbow close to the body, right hand pinches right nostril, head turned slightly to the side, exhale sharply out of left nostril positioned over left bicep. Works like a charm. I watch it sail off to the pavement. And, if there are problems, my arm takes the hit which I can subsequently see and deal with.
Right nostril? Like I said, I blow to the left regardless of nostril. So, the left hand pinches left nostril, left elbow wings out to the side, exhale sharply out of right nostril positioned over left side of body. This position opens up my whole body to the possibility of taking the hit if I mis-aim. Also, my head is in a slightly different position due to the necessity of blowing the flier underneath my arm: nose pointing more directly down to the pavement, causing more of a bend in my throat, effectively slowing down the air velocity.
If I ever have problems, that's the side.
- OB now that I think about it, left-nostril-over-left-side and right-nostril-over-right-side makes more sense
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Snot Rocket, Part 1
The Novice
PART 2 | PART 3 | EPILOGUE
I remember the first time I shot one while riding. For too many years, I’d felt I needed to be dainty on the bicycle...so I’d sniff and snort until I finally came across a Kleenex. I’d always admired those who could blow one out and not hit anyone behind them, but I figured it could never be me.
A talent like that takes practice. And practice means ya have to actually DO IT. I always rode with people, and I couldn’t practice something like that in the midst of people. And it’s not like I would ever practice while not on the bicycle standing out in the back yard testing one’s propensity for snot rockets just seems weird. So I’d sniff and snort while hoping to find a Kleenex, wishing I could do without, but not daring to try.
It was a vicious circle.
Well, during a long-ago weekend bicycle trip I had a cold or had just eaten spicy food or was crying because the guy didn’t like me back I don’t exactly remember the specifics BUT there I was. Significant runny nose. I was Kleenexless and alone. People waaay in front and people waaay behind. In the rain. I figured I had nothing to lose. If I botched it, I had rainwater to help with clean up. And, bottom line, I finally didn’t care.
I turned my head, sealed off one nostril with a couple of fingers, took a deep breath and hawked one out...it wasn’t perfect but it sailed off to the wet pavement. I could breathe again!
How did I ever do without?
- TOB
PART 2 | PART 3 | EPILOGUE
I remember the first time I shot one while riding. For too many years, I’d felt I needed to be dainty on the bicycle...so I’d sniff and snort until I finally came across a Kleenex. I’d always admired those who could blow one out and not hit anyone behind them, but I figured it could never be me.
A talent like that takes practice. And practice means ya have to actually DO IT. I always rode with people, and I couldn’t practice something like that in the midst of people. And it’s not like I would ever practice while not on the bicycle standing out in the back yard testing one’s propensity for snot rockets just seems weird. So I’d sniff and snort while hoping to find a Kleenex, wishing I could do without, but not daring to try.
It was a vicious circle.
Well, during a long-ago weekend bicycle trip I had a cold or had just eaten spicy food or was crying because the guy didn’t like me back I don’t exactly remember the specifics BUT there I was. Significant runny nose. I was Kleenexless and alone. People waaay in front and people waaay behind. In the rain. I figured I had nothing to lose. If I botched it, I had rainwater to help with clean up. And, bottom line, I finally didn’t care.
I turned my head, sealed off one nostril with a couple of fingers, took a deep breath and hawked one out...it wasn’t perfect but it sailed off to the wet pavement. I could breathe again!
How did I ever do without?
- TOB
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