Saturday, May 17, 2008

Snot Rocket, Part 1

The Novice
PART 2 | PART 3 | EPILOGUE

I remember the first time I shot one while riding. For too many years, I’d felt I needed to be dainty on the bicycle...so I’d sniff and snort until I finally came across a Kleenex. I’d always admired those who could blow one out and not hit anyone behind them, but I figured it could never be me.

A talent like that takes practice. And practice means ya have to actually DO IT. I always rode with people, and I couldn’t practice something like that in the midst of people. And it’s not like I would ever practice while not on the bicycle standing out in the back yard testing one’s propensity for snot rockets just seems weird. So I’d sniff and snort while hoping to find a Kleenex, wishing I could do without, but not daring to try.

It was a vicious circle.

Well, during a long-ago weekend bicycle trip I had a cold or had just eaten spicy food or was crying because the guy didn’t like me back I don’t exactly remember the specifics BUT there I was. Significant runny nose. I was Kleenexless and alone. People waaay in front and people waaay behind. In the rain. I figured I had nothing to lose. If I botched it, I had rainwater to help with clean up. And, bottom line, I finally didn’t care.

I turned my head, sealed off one nostril with a couple of fingers, took a deep breath and hawked one out...it wasn’t perfect but it sailed off to the wet pavement. I could breathe again!

How did I ever do without?

- TOB

12 comments:

Vito said...

I have yet to master that particular talent. The last time I attempted that particular method I not only had snot all the way down my right leg, but my bike also needed to disinfected upon returning home.
Someday I'll have down.

Hope riding and school are going well for you.

Tim said...

In 20 years of riding, I have never attempted the snot rocket maneuver. I could benefit from it regularly, but I just know that the first time I try it, it'll be a slimy disaster.

You're my new role model. Maybe I'll give it a go this weekend.

WheelDancer said...

Ah yes, the relief of the snot rocket is a private pleasure of the first degree!

Pete said...

Bravo!

Emma Pod said...

EEEeeewwww - can't wait for Part II. How ya doin? I've been off the blog for a couple of months. Too damn much work and no play. I spent the weekend painting the living/dining room walls.

bikingbrady said...

I once killed a squirrel at 20 feet with a snot rocket. Okay, not really, but I am closing in on professional status.

Snakebite said...

I can vouch for Biking Brady's ability to shoot snot.

Matt said...

Snot rockets work great on the bike but if you stand around the backyard practicing them you end up with gooey feet.

Jill said...

So ... there's going to be a part two to this post?

I cut up T-shirts so I can carry a "snot rag" with me on every cold/wet ride. It's one of the most important pieces of gear I carry.

rigtenzin said...

The real reason I ride is to expel snot. Sometimes when I let one loose, my eyes water. I learned to prevent this by closing my eyes during the instant that I exhaust.

SD_pedalpower said...

I consider myself an expert at this. I call it the biker blow. Maybe it was growing up on the farm where as if something needed to come out, one did not think twice about blowing or dropping trau to relieve oneself. I now fear I've said too much.

Jeff said...

I once had a rocket only come out halfway, dangling a few feet out my nose. I tried to shake my head back and forth to break it lose, but it stayed there long enough for two cute girls to come up the trail and catch me in the act. Don't think I've attempted it since!