Monday, July 05, 2010

How to Buy a Bicycle

  1. Attempt to establish a connection to the seller by asking: where have I seen you before? I know you look familiar. What shops do you go to? Be sure to inform seller of your prior bike shop employment experience.

  2. Assume there's no reason to ask the seller about her prior bike shop employment experience.

  3. After a particular LBS is mentioned by the female seller, discuss this LBS with the male partner of the seller.

  4. Discuss well cared-for, relatively current bicycle being sold. Say, yeah, I'm looking for a winter ride. Raise eyebrows when seller exclaims how wonderfully the bicycle rides with studded winter tires.

  5. Make a statement about the bicycle's less-than-high chance of selling.

  6. Deadpan when seller acknowledges that while it is a specialized market, two other cyclists have been interested in the bicycle. Unfortunately the fit or feel wasn't quite right.

  7. Establish your ignorance by scoffing about potential buyers who don't understand their cyclocross bicycle size??

  8. Don't actually ride the bicycle you're interested in purchasing.

  9. Ask seller whether or not the cassette has been changed out. When seller reminds you the bicycle only has about 2,000 miles on it and that the chain has been replaced, insist that any cassette needs to be changed out at the time the chain is replaced.

  10. Ignore the seller's educated explanation that frequent chain replacement delays cassette wear.

  11. Further expose your ignorance by pressing the need that well any buyer will need to replace this cassette and chain after the bicycle has been purchased. Use this to justify your offer for $250 less than the asking price.

  12. Hear the seller's bottom line price, but stick to your offer.

  13. Realize that no means no.
By the end of the encounter only $50 separated us, but by that point it was about principle.

Principle: don't sell a loved bicycle to a putz.

bein' a cranky  Ol' Bag


Oldfool said...

Good. Feels good too. Been there.
I once was selling a very nice boat that I had a very personnel feeling for. A male person (notice I am avoiding the word gentleman) came to look. Boarding my vessel in his pointy toed leather soled shoes dressed like a member of the mafia was a starter. Asking my bottom price so there need not be dickering was OK but then nickel and dimeimg me to death was the killer. It got nasty when I informed him I would not sell to him at any price.
Thanks for the memory.

WheelDancer said...

Well I'm glad you don't have any other posts with the second label but he was the poster child for it. Didn't he say his last name was Flintstone?

jeff said...

I think that putz has shopped in my store!